It hardly needs saying that emotional affairs take great tolls on marriages. After an affair, you may wonder how to start moving forward again. Maybe you have already strived to rebuild your marriage, or perhaps you are just beginning. Even when you have dealt with the negative thoughts and images created by emotional cheating or feel like you have gained some stability, one fact remains. One of the most difficult aspects of surviving emotional affairs can be learning how to feel love for your spouse again.
How do you fall in love with your partner again?  Emotional affairs flood relationships with tidal waves of negative energy. If you cheated, you may feel like your spouse hates you, and they may think they do. If both of you have been working to try to save your marriage, even under that layer of hate, there is bound to be remaining feelings of love. Love is the strongest emotional bond that we have, and even emotional affairs are not always strong enough to break them. If you and your partner are serious about wanting to be in love again, it is possible. Not only is it possible to love again, but it is also possible to have a stronger bond of love in your marriage than you have ever experienced before.
For someone well-versed in the struggle of surviving emotional affairs, you may doubt that your relationship can ever be rebuilt, and the thought that it could be better than it was before the emotional cheating seems other-worldly and out of reach. Please take comfort and strength in knowing that there have been many marriages that have healed and grown with a more solid foundation after experiencing the total fracture that emotional cheating can inflict.
As with most things of value, both time and commitment are necessary not only to find the love again in your marriage, but to fall in love again with your spouse. For healing and growth, things must change in your relationship, and those changes take practice and time. Change can begin for both of you with three main ingredients.
The First Ingredient is Transparency
After emotional affairs, the sense of trust between partners is ruptured. Things happened behind your back, and even if your spouse says they will never happen again, there is no reason to assume that activities of this nature are not still happening or will not happen again.
Develop a code of transparency. In other words, share what you are doing and who you are seeing with your partner. With resolve and patience, make this sharing a habit, and it will help to rebuild that broken trust and enable feelings of security within the relationship.
The Second Ingredient is Conflict Resolution
Your mode of resolving conflicts must be overhauled in the wake of emotional affairs. If your disagreements became shouting matches or blankets of silence, it is time to consider more meaningful and constructive approaches to your differences.
As you are both individuals in the relationship with unique points of view, you are not always going to agree on everything. It is difficult to feel a sense of love if you are not being respected or if your opinions are not appreciated or understood. On the other hand, if an atmosphere of collaborative consideration, caring, and understanding is formed, the marriage bonds are given the proper environment to strengthen and grow.
The Third Ingredient is Communication
Many couples believe that the root of their difficulties after emotional cheating is their inability to communicate with each other in ways that are effective. Maybe it is hard for you to explain what your needs are, or maybe you feel like you are not being heard. It could be that you only ask each other yes/no questions that do not open the door to meaningful conversation.
Falling in love again requires developing the skill of effective communication. By exchanging true thoughts and feelings in a respectful way, you will naturally address the weak spots in your communication. Again, this is a habit that will form over time as you and your spouse practice conversation with one another applying patience and resolve.
Please know that if you are struggling with surviving emotional affairs, you are not alone. As impossible as it may seem to fall in love again with your spouse, not only can it happen, but it can be an experience that ultimately leads to a stronger and deeper relationship with your partner. If you are ready to fall in love again with your spouse, by considering and applying the three ingredients above, you can create an environment conducive for growing and nurturing a love that is lasting.
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