Is Cesar Millan The Gay Communities Supernanny

OK, I admit, I’ve gotten sucked into episodes of ‘‘The Dog Whisperer” and been intrigued by Cesar Millan’s magic with canines. The guy’s likable enough, and he’s an animal lover (I presume), so I give him points for that. And I’ve even tried his training methods (sort of) with my dopey but headstrong Rottweiler. But for some reason I’m not completely sold. The skeptic in me says that this Mexican guy hit the jackpot one day when he realized he could make a buck by convincing desperate shitzu/pitbull/goldendoodle/shepherd owners that he could rehabilitate their growly, ill-behaved terrors.

 

You see, I don’t quite get how the whole thing works. Have you seen the show? If not, basically Cesar is summoned to the home of an exasperate dog owner who has allowed her pet to run her life. Naturally they show film footage of the dog at its worst, perhaps barking viciously at the mailman or devouring the neighbor’s kitty. The dog, it seems, is a lost cause. But have faith! Cesar Millan has arrived! And within the course of a visit, it seems, he has squashed the offending animal’s spirit and cast his odd spell on it. And all it took was a few strong yanks of the leash accompanied by an odd ‘‘SSSTT!” sound! Plu-eeeze. Now, obviously Cesar is a trained, accomplished animal behaviorist, and his methods seem to work… somehow. But even I know that rehabilitating a wayward animal takes more than a few leash tugs and some strange nonhuman verbal cue. There must be more that they’re not showing us. Like when that evil Chow nipped two of Cesar’s fingers off and he lobotomized it afterward; or when they performed vocal chord surgery on that yappy terrier. Suppose that’s not suitable family viewing. My other major problem with Cesar is that he insists on treating these dogs like…. like, well, dogs! He frowns on allowing them on the furniture… he discourages ‘‘baby talking” to them… he insists they don’t share our food…. and, worst of all, he bans them from his bedroom. Huh? If I didn’t have my dog to snuggle with each night, who would keep me warm and toasty (suppose my partner could… but let’s keep her out of this).

 

Anyway, my point is, Cesar doesn’t approve of assigning human qualities to our dogs. Don’t ask me why. I’ve had dogs that are more human than, well, some humans I know! They’ve certainly exhibited more feelings and emotions than those humans, and more loyalty, and more devotion, and more consistency, and more love. Anyway, those are my problems with Cesar. Of course, if Mr. Millan were to show up at my doorstep one day, I’d invite him in. In fact, I might even ask him about this barking problem I’m having with one of my dogs, and this aggression problem I’m having with another. Oh, and maybe he could help me sort out why my little boxer insists on picking on big dogs that can devour her in one bite. Ahh, who am I kidding. I could use Cesar’s advice, and I’m in awe at his magic touch with animals. I love his show, and I try to follow his advice. In fact, I wish I could communicate with dogs as well as he can. The bottom line, you see, is this: I’m jealous.

 

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